Friday, March 25, 2011

Found Mascot

I work at a state university and before I was hired, the offices were located on the other side of campus in an old building. That old building is about to be demolished. Earlier this week, Lenore, on a lunch break, walked over to the building to see if she could salvage anything. She came back to our current office to report that there was a huge box of returned alumni letters.
She insisted I go with her to the old building to reclaim them. Reluctantly, I do.

(Inside the old Alumni House with Lenore, kicking through junk, I discover the old and musty box of returned letters addressed to alumni.)

Me: (opening one of the letters) Lenore, this is four years old, from 2004. It's just a general letter. There's no personal information.

Lenore: Maybe we should ask Dave [our boss] about it.

Me: I don't think he'll want these. They're moldy. We can just throw them away.

L: Are you sure? There might be something important in there.

Me: No, it's spam. And they smell.

L: Well, could you at least bring some back to show Dave?

Me: (picking one letter out of the stack with the tips of my fingers) Fine. I'll bring one back.

L: Only one? Why don't you take three?

Me: Why three?

L: You might lose one.

Me: Then why don't I take two?

L: What if you lose two? Then you'll have an extra one, right?

Me: That makes zero sense.

L: You never know.

(I begrudgingly pick up three letters. Lenore smiles and continues to look through the garbage. She lets out a shrill cry.)

Me: What?

L: Look! Someone left a set of shot glasses! (holds up one of the shot glasses) Just beautiful! Look at it.

Me: (hurried) I need to get back now.

L: Why do you need to get back? Don't you want to look around some more?

Me: No. I can't breathe.

L: (ignoring me and rifling through junk) Last time I came there was an old, um, um (searching for the word) costume, no, um, what's that called when you dress up like an animal?

Me: I don't know.

L: No, it's uh, um, mascot! There was a mascot thing here. But I don't see it now.

Me: Why do you want that?

L: I wanted to take it home. It was so cute. Maybe I could wear it for Halloween or something. You know...

Me: Alright, I'm leaving.

L: No stay! I'll give you a shot glass.

Me: (stepping out the door to leave) No, thanks. I really have to get back. See you back at the office.

L: (yelling after me) I'll let you dress up in the mascot costume if I find it!


Originally posted April 11, 2008


  1. Your companionship is so wasted on Lenore. I wish so badly I could be in a warehouse with you sorting through moldy letters. The comedy goldmine you would morph into!

  2. Too kind. I try to salvage that waste here. Other people in the office have encounters with Lenore like this everyday and do nothing about it. Travesty.