Friday, March 25, 2011

New To Town

Edward is a new addition to our office. He's plenty nice and plenty awkward. I believe he's guilty of raiding the closet of Charlie Rose and may have also pilfered some DNA from both Truman Capote. I've seen him around but today we had our first conversation.

(I'm heading to my office through the foyer and Edward is coming from the opposite direction. He is wearing a long dress jacket, scarf bundled up around his neck like a brace and a fedora perched delicately on his bald head. I don't recognize him. As we get closer to one another he offers a sheepish hello. I try to commit to a smile and continue on to my office. Once inside, a step or two behind me, Edward pokes his head into my office.)

Edward: Hello! Good morning, sir!

Me: (turning around) Oh, good morning. Was that you in the hall? I didn't recognize you.

Ed: I know. I've only been here a day and people don't recognize me. Maybe I just don't have one of those faces people want to remember!

Me: You were all bundled up.

Ed: (taking off his hat, exposing his bald head) My dermatologist says I have to wear this hat or I will get sunburned. And I don't want to get sunburned.

Me: (trying to get situated at my desk) No, no you don't want to burn your head, that wouldn't be good.

Ed: No, no it wouldn't.

Me: ....

Ed: Yesterday I went to the mall with Paul [his boss] for lunch. It was exquisite. I wasn't wearing my hat. When I got back, my head was burned!

Me: Oh, no. That's terrible.

Ed: Yes, but it's better today. So I'm wearing my hat again.

Me: It's a big hat.

Ed: It also really keeps my head warm. It can be very windy in the morning.

Me: Yeah, it's been windy lately. I've noticed.

Ed: Uh, huh. It has.

Me: ....

Ed: Well, I guess you'll never worry about having to burn your head or keeping it warm with your nest of hair.

Me: No, not today anyway.

Ed: No, no you won't.

Me: ...

Ed: (still lingering in my doorway) ...

Me: Well, I'll remember you now, Edward.

Ed: Okay, have a good day.

Me: You too.

(Later in the day I go to get my mail by Lenore's desk. She has just purchased a bag of Mint Crispy M&Ms. Edward is getting his mail too and notices the candy.)

Ed: Oh, I just love candy.

Lenore: Well, go ahead and have some, mister. Have you ever had these?

Ed: (pouring a handful out of the bag into his hand) No I haven't. Are they new?

L: I've never seen them until today. But they're just so good. And they're all green and taste like mint too!

Ed: That's not the color green. I would describe them as hues of mint and, and, like a blushed shamrock. Don't you think?

L: Well, I just think they're so great. I sometimes put a handful in my mouth.

Ed: All at once?

L: (playfully slapping him on the shoulder) Yes, that's it. One of every color!

Ed: Very nice.

L: There's nothing like it.

Ed: I prefer one at a time. I like to make a good thing last.

L: Oh, that's why I buy such a big bag. They last me most all day!

Ed: I see.


Originally posted April 17, 2008

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