Friday, March 25, 2011

Secrets of Tomato Soup Revealed


Lenore, who recently found out I like to cook, comes into my office.

Lenore: Excuse me mister. Do you like tomato soup?

Me: (pretending not to hear her) Huh, what? Yes, I like tomato soup, I guess.

L: Do you cook it or have you ever?

Me: Uh, yeah. Lots of times.

L: Well, you've never made tomato soup like how I make it. I know secrets that make it so, so (racking her head for a word)...well, I make it so good, let me tell you.

Me: (turning back to computer, hoping she'll go away) I bet.

L: (taking a seat next to my desk) Well, let me tell you how. First, you get a pan. (dramatic pause) Olive oil. (pause) Garlic. (pause) You heat the pan and the olive oil and the garlic.

Me: Uh huh.

L: Then, (leaning in close)...you take canned tomatoes. Open the can. Put the tomatoes in the pan.

Me: Yes.

L: Then you cook the tomatoes. (playfully slapping my knee) Oh, and it smells so good! (she goes off into a world of food merriment) Next, you pour the tomatoes in a blender and blend and blend the tomatoes--and be careful! I once burnt myself and it really was not...(searching her head for a suitable descriptor) well, it hurt real bad.

Me: I bet.

L: Then you just pour the blended tomatoes back into the pan and add salt and pepper. There you go! Tomato soup!

Me: That's it? I thought you had some big secret.

L: Well, how do you make it mister?

Me: The same way but I add red peppers and basil.

L: (wheeling back and clasping her chest) Oh my goodness!! That sounds sooo good! Will you write that down for me?

BLACKOUT

Original post March 7, 2008

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