Monday, April 4, 2011

The Bottom Tray

Lenore sometimes gets into disagreements with people over trivial things like how to load paper the correct way in the printer or putting time reports in her mailbox rather than in the clearly labeled "Time Reports Inbox" where they should be. When she does get into a confrontation with someone it usually results in her barraging them with huffy, mispronounced words followed by months and months of shunning.

I don't quarrel with her. My secret? Give her banana bread. It soothes the savage beast.


(Lenore gets into a confrontation with Edward, one of the most awkward people in the office. I listen from my desk.)

Edward: (stammering) I, I, I, I, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Can I just--

Lenore: Don't do that now. I will do this, I have the driver, screwing driver! Thing!

Ed: Okay, well, I, I, I--

L: Move please, Edward. No! Don't mess with that! We just fixed the copy--the printer and we don't put paper in this drawer because it has sticky. I told you!

Ed: I'm sorry. Please don't be angry, I didn't know.

L: You knew! I have said it before and even made a sign! (papers rustle) It's gone but it was here before and you knew!

Ed: I'm so sorry, can I just--(clanking and banging sounds)

L: NO! You're not helping. Not helpful!

(Lenore walks by my office and out the door. Moments later the printer in my office, which is also shared by the wider office, starts to print pages. Edward, still shaken, walks in. I do the 1000-yard stare, trying to stay out a conversation. Edward lingers behind me.)

Ed: Oh, uh, so sorry to hover, I just wanted to get my papers. I'll just be a minute.

Me: That's okay, you're not hovering.

Ed: I just mean, I don't want to cause you any inconvenience if you're printing cards or something.

Me: It's fine.

Ed: Okay, okay. So, sorry.

BLACKOUT

Postscript: Lenore, who normally puts a bowl of candy on a credenza she shares with Edward, now doesn't. She also has put a big sign on the printer that reads in all caps: PLEASE DON'T USE THE BOTTOM TRAY ON PRINTER. IT DOESN'T WORK!

Originally posted October 17, 2008

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