Monday, April 4, 2011

Lenore Orders Paper and Drives Me Maaaad!

Our office letterhead supply is running low and I asked Lenore if she would order more. Warning: this post may be very irritating to read.

(Monday, 9:36am, I walk up to Lenore. Her back is to me. She is hunched over her desk eating Saltines and peanut butter. I'm holding a sheet of office letterhead.)

Me: Lenore, would you be able to order us some more letterhead?

Lenore: (slowly turning around) Wha--who needs it?

Me: Alumni Relations. Can you order us some more? We ran out, or are going to soon.

L: Oh, you ran out of paper? So you need some more?

Me: (handing her sheet of letterhead) Yes. Here's a sample of the letterhead we've been using. Just order, like, I don't know, 20 reams of this. Just like this one.

L: Okay.

(I go back to my desk. Later that Monday, 9:45am, Lenore trundles into my office carrying the letterhead I gave her earlier.)

L: Excuse me, mister?

Me: Yes?

L: (handing me letterhead) You said you need paper but you gave me this. What's it for?

Me: Oh. Yeah, this is the letterhead we need. Can you order 20 reams of it?

L: This is the paper you wanted, with all this stuff at the top?

Me: Yeah, that's our letterhead. We send official letters on it.

L: You can't just use plain paper?

Me: We could, well, no, we couldn't. It's more standard and official to use letterhead.

L: Okay. I'll order it. Thank you.

(Lenore leaves. Later that Monday, 10:10am, Lenore trundles back into my office with a sheet of paper with a hand-written chart breaking down paper costs.)

L: Excuse me, how much of this letter paper do you need?

Me: (patiently) I guess like 20 reams to start. That should last us awhile.

L: (holding up her paper) Well, if you order more paper, the cost goes down.

(Lenore shows me her chart. I quickly examine the chart in her hand, uninterested with its content.)

Me: That's fine. Whatever you order, I'm sure we'll use all of it.

L: See, if you order 20 it will cost $30 but if you order 40 it will cost, uh, where is it...it will cost $24 per bundle.

Me: Great. Let's order 40 then.

(Lenore smiles and hands me the chart. She leaves. Later Monday, 1:31pm, Lenore trundles back into my office.)

L: I talked to Susan about your paper order and she just wants to confirm that you want 40 bundles of this paper. It's a lot.

Me: Yes, order it.

L: Okay.

(Lenore leaves. Next day, Tuesday, 2:20 pm, Lenore trundles into my office. She is carrying a sheet of paper.)

L: (handing me paper) Here, I typed up that chart with all the paper prices for you.

Me: Is this the same chart you gave me yesterday?

L: Yes, but this one is typed and you can keep it too.

Me: The other one is fine.

L: So you don't want this one?

Me: Uh, sure, I'll take that typed one too. Thanks.

(Lenore leaves. Next day, Wednesday, 9:30am, Lenore trundles into my office.)

Me: Stop. Is this about paper?

(Lenore laughs.)

Lenore: I was going to order your paper today.

Me: Uh, huh. But something happened and you can't, right?

L: No, I need you to just read a sample before, to make sure it is what you want. Just look it over and say, 'yeah, I want that'.

Me: Okay, do you have the sample?

L: It's at my desk.

Me: Get it and I'll proof it.

L: No, I need you to read it.

Me: Sure, I'll read it.

L: Okay, then. I have to go get it.

(Lenore leaves. Later Wednesday, 9:33am Lenore trundles into my office.)

L: Did you see the orchid on Ellen's desk? It's so pretty!

Me: No, I didn't see it.

L: Oh, you have to go over and see it right now!

(Lenore leaves. Next day, Thursday, 3:35pm, Lenore trundles into my office carrying a piece of letterhead.)

L: Excuse me, mister? Here's that sample of the paper you have to read and approve.

Me: (examining paper) This is the letterhead I gave you Monday.

L: (looking at letterhead) Oh, this isn't the new sample from the paper place! Where did it go?

(Later Thursday, 3:50pm, Lenore trundles into my office carrying a sample of new letterhead.)

L: Here, this is it.

Me: (taking sample and examining it) Great! This looks great!

L: Oh, did you read it?

Me: (hurried) Yeah, it looks the same as our other one. Perfect!

L: Read it backwards.

Me: Read it backwards?

L: That's what I do. Then you don't miss a word.

Me: (reading the address backwards) That doesn't make any sense to me, but--oh, wait, the fax number is different.

L: See? You found something. (looking at paper) Well, that's our old fax number from 2007, I think. That's when you ordered last.

Me: Oh, can you put the new one on there?

L: You want a different one?

Me: Well, the old fax number doesn't work, does it?

L: I don't think so.

Me: Then we should change it to the one that does work, right?

L: Okay, I'll change it.

(Next day, Friday, 3:46 pm, Lenore trundles into my office carrying the sample letterhead again.)

L: (smiling, handing me letterhead) Can you sign this so I know that you've looked at it?

(I sign paper.)

Me: (suppressing severe irritation) Can you order these today? Please. I tired of talking about this.

L: Well, yes! It just takes some time. It's not that easy you know.

Me: I know.

BLACKOUT

Originally posted March 19, 2010

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