Friday, July 29, 2011

I Guess She'll Die

Today I had a big mailing and needed Lenore's help stuffing envelopes. Often I have to speak slowly and micro manage her to keep her on task or risk the job at hand overwhelming the poor lady. And sometimes I over explain and makes things worse.

Me: (demonstrating as I'm explaining) Okay, this smaller letter is the RSVP letter that people will send back to me and that goes inside this envelope. Then put the RSVP inside this larger invitation, put that in the envelope, seal it and put one of these address labels on it. Done. Simple, right?

Lenore: Sure.

(Lenore fumbles around, puts the RSVP card in the larger envelope and doesn't know what to with the RSVP card's envelope or the invitation.)

Me: Okay, you forgot two important pieces. Let's try again. Each completed card should have five elements in this order; RSVP card, RSVP envelope, invitation, large envelope and finally the label on the large envelope. And don't forget to seal it.

L: Okay, easy enough.

Me: Think of it like this envelope eats this RSVP card, then this invitation eats this envelope with card and the big envelope eats them all. And the address label is the dinner mint that you place on the top. Like the old lady who swallowed the spider to catch the fly...(singing) I don't know why she swallowed that fly.

L: What? Who swallowed a spider?

Me: The old lady did. It's a childrens' song, er, story.

L: What old lady? In here?

Me: No, the old lady swallowed a fly first and she thought if she swallowed the spider it would--nevermind. I was trying to make things easier.

L: I don't know what that has to do with this.

Me: Nothing.

BLACKOUT

Originally posted October 6, 2010

Not That Kind of Chinese

There's a small restaurant on campus run by the students of the Hospitality Department. Sometimes they invite other campus staff to dine with them so the students can "practice" being hospitable to us. Then they get a grade for their service. Next week they are serving dim sum for lunches and our office staff was invited. This morning, Lenore came to collect $15 from everyone who signed up for the lunch.

(Lenore trundles into my office, shuffling her feet across the carpet.)

Lenore: Okay, mister. I need your $15 for that lunch thing and tell me what you want to eat.

Me: Isn't it just dim sum? Do I have to choose which dumplings I want now?

L: Yes. You do. Shrimp, beef or mushroom? Those are your choices.

Me: Oh, okay... I guess, hmmm, mushroom.

(I hand her $15.)

L: Thank you. I have you down for a mushroom dim sum.

Me: Are you going?

L: (making a face) No, I don't like that kind of food.

Me: I thought you liked Chinese food.

L: I like noodle Chinese food. I've never had a dim sum.

Me: Dim sum is Chinese food.

L: (not believing me) I've never seen it.

Me: That doesn't mean it's not Chinese food.

L: Well, maybe they just don't serve it at Panda Express.

BLACKOUT

Orginally posted September 29, 2010