Thursday, May 24, 2012

Lenore and the Case of the Hard Salami

(Lenore trundles into my office.  I'm sitting at my desk and as I see her out of the corner of my eye, I lean into my computer more and type faster.)

Lenore:  Excuse me?  Are you busy?  Like really busy?

Me: (quietly sighs)  Uh, no.  What's up?

L:  I wanted to share something with you.  About food.  Because, you know, food and all...I like to talk to you about it.  Do you like salami?

Me: Sure.

L:  I found the best salami.  It's was hard but also paper thin.

Me: Oh, was it pre-sliced?

L: Was it wh-what--oh yeah, it was cut already.  I just put it on a cracker and (eyes roll back, lip quivers) oh, it's just...nothing better.  The best.  The best!  And let me tell you, I gave some to Ellen and she loved it too!  She wants some for her husband. 

Me: Really?  Do you remember the name?

L:  No.  It's salami.  Just salami, the paper thin kind.  But hard.  I got it at Safeway.  You know they have a whole wall of meat and I found it there.  But, oh wait, I have some here, lemme go get it.  (Lenore gets up, slowly trundles out of my office and moments later comes back with an unopened package of the salami.)  Here it is.

Me: Oh, it's uh, what's it called?  Is The Deli Connection the brand name?

Lenore:  (examining package) Um, let's see...I think Hard Salami is the name of it.  Yes, Hard Salami.  Ellen put it on bread and ate it!  I just put it on a cracker because, you know, that's all I had.

Me:  Did you put any cheese on it?

L: (falling back in her chair)  YES!  CHEESE!  So good!!!

Me:  Do you mind if I just take a picture of the package so I can be sure to find it next time I'm at Safeway?

L: Sure!



  1. I want to say that I'm disappointed at the many missed opportunities to insert a well-crafted hard salami joke, but that, no doubt, would be met with confussion and a blank stare. (have I mentioned I love these stories?)