Thursday, May 31, 2012

More Meat Talk

(Lenore is sitting beside my desk pushing pre-sliced Safeway-brand salami and Saltine crackers on me.  I politely sample her givings.)

Me: Mmm, good.

Lenore: See?  I told you.  This is the best salami.  Ever.  Try some more.

Me: I'm okay, but thank you.

L: More.  Have some.  Just try it.  (I take another slice of the salami and a cracker.)  Take two pieces of salami and tell me what you think.  (I take another piece of salami and place it on top on the cracker.)

Me: (taking a bite)  Mmm, good.  Twice as much meat.

L: See, it's the best.  Also, I wanted to tell you there was this cooking show where a chef goes to a restaurant or something and makes it better.  But lemme tell you, they were having a big party and there weren't enough ovens to cook so you know what they did?

Me:  No.

L: They took, what's it called, tin foil, laid it out in a long strip in the outside area and put that black stuff you BBQ with--

Me: Charcoal?

L: Yes, exactly that.  Charcoal, and lit it on fire.  Then they got those metal garbage cans and put that on top of the fire and cooked chicken in those!  (slaps knee)

Me: (feigning interest)  Really?  In garbage cans?

L: Yes, I couldn't believe it.  Just, just, I don't know.  Those guys, how they come up with these things?

(Later in the afternoon I go into the kitchen to make copies and discover Lenore telling this story to another coworker, whose eyes are at half-mast with enthusiasm.)

L: ...and they just put the chickens in the garbage cans and cook them like that!

Worker: Wow, that's cool.

L: Isn't it though?  Just watching it I could taste it.  Meat was falling off the bone.  So tender.  From a garbage can!

(I finish my copies and walk out of the kitchen with Worker in tow.)

Worker: Ew, did you hear that story?

Me: Yes, she told it to me this morning.

Worker: She's been on this salami kick and now garbage chicken?  No thank you.

Me: Oh, you've been hearing about the salami too?

Worker: Yes, I hear all Lenore's meat stories.

BLACKOUT

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