Thursday, January 5, 2012

Just The Tip

(I'm in my office talking to the student assistant.)

Me:...so, from the tip to the fold, it can't be more than four inches or you can't stick it in.  It just won't take it all the way and you'll just end up making more work for yourself.

(Boss walks by and pokes his head in room.)

Boss: (alarmed) What are you talking about?

Me: Envelopes.  In order for them to seal in that machine they can't be more than four inches from the tip of the flap to where it folds.  What did you think we were talking about?

Boss: Oh god, I shouldn't say.

BLACKOUT


Wednesday, January 4, 2012

The Rubber Meets Lenore

(I walk past Lenore's desk to my own and she stops me.  She has a fistful of new pens.)

Lenore: (handing me pens) Do you need any new pens?

Me: Uh, no, not really.  But thanks.

L: I got these for Ellen but she says she's allergic to rubber.  And got a rash.  See, these have a rubber grip.

Me: I see.

L: Now I have all these and I guess, I don't know... 

Me: Lemme try it.  (I take a pen, hold it as if I'm going to write and then grab my chest, fake a heart attack and fall in a nearby chair.)

L: OHMYGOODNESS!  Are you okay?

Me: (coming back to consciousness) I'm fine.  This is a great pen.  Thank you.

L: (confused, playful and a little angry) What?  You get out of here mister!


BLACKOUT