Monday, April 16, 2012

Guess What Lenore Saw

(Lenore scuttles into my office.)

Lenore: Hey, I wanted to tell you...guess what I saw today?

Me: Uh, I don't know.  What?

L: Guess.

Me: Okay, um, as it a--

L: It's strange, really, you know, strange to see a city.

Me: A pig!

(Lenore recoils in shock.)

L: What?!  How did you know that?

Me:  Oh, really?  You saw a pig?

L: (disbelief) Wow.  I can't believe you guessed that.

Me: Did it have a snout and floppy ears?

L: YES!!  You did see it.

Me: No, I'm kidding.  I swear.  All pigs have snouts and floppy ears.

L: Get outta here.  You saw it.  You did.

Me: No, really I was guessing.

L: Okay, Mr. Smart Guesser.  What is going on today?  Just weird.

BLACKOUT

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Detector of Motion

(The lights in my office are turned on by a motion detector that in recent months has been malfunctioning.  Specifically, the lights go off every minute rather than every hour if it detects no motion.)

(I have to ask Lenore to send a request for a repairman to come look at the light switch. At Lenore's desk.)

Me: (frown face, frustrated) I hate this light in my office.

Lenore:  What's wrong with it?

Me: Well, it's a motion detector and it is turning off every minute and I have to move around to get it to turn back on.  It's annoying.

L: Oh, they're turning off?  The lights?  Why, I wonder?

Me: Because the switch senses movement and when there is nothing moving it thinks no one is in the room everything goes dark. 

L: Are you just sitting still?

Me: Well, I'm usually typing or something.

L: And it doesn't know that you're typing?

Me: No, I don't think typing is a big enough movement.

L: So you want someone to come and turn off the switch or something?

Me: No, I want them to fix it, maybe even replace it.

L: Okay, but I have to send a request and it could take a long time for anyone to come out. 

Me: Fine.  As long as the ball is rolling.

L: For now, just make bigger movements, like type bigger, I guess.

Me: I don't know what that means.

L:  Or do jumping jacks.

Me: Jumping jacks?  No.

L: Maybe I'll come and do jumping jacks.  Would that help?

Me: Yes.


BLACKOUT